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Consent has been granted
poetry
a quarantine tape
A collection of 14 poems, all brought together in quarantine with the beats of Samuel Oliver and my illustrations and words.
Many of them deal with the topic of mental health, love and heartbreak.
Making sense
1
MAKING SENSE
I'm trying to make sense of it all: what I want, what I think I want, what I need, what I say and what I do.
See I want all of the above and none of that.
I want to see everything, to feel everyone, to be felt and not.
I want true connections to make me feel like a belong.
I need a trust that I'll be here forever even when we're gone.
I need an understanding of what I still don't understand.
I need to be touched in the unphysical sense, where I just need to think of you to be with you.
I don't need my body to be seen,
I don't need physical ecstasy, but
Silent, a natural blossom that grows and flows effortlessly.
I need new vibrations to ignite me,
Parts I haven't met yet that want to sprout.
It's time for me to start the ever long left journey of self discovery,
The aware type one.
I do stumble upon myself daily
But that doesn't seem to be enough really.
I want to be like the floaty dresses that drape with existence, hanging there wholesomely.
I'm hungry for some me.
MAKING SENSE
I'm trying to make sense of it all: what I want, what I think I want, what I need, what I say and what I do.
See I want all of the above and none of that.
I want to see everything, to feel everyone, to be felt and not.
I want true connections to make me feel like a belong.
I need a trust that I'll be here forever even when we're gone.
I need an understanding of what I still don't understand.
I need to be touched in the unphysical sense, where I just need to think of you to be with you.
I don't need my body to be seen,
I don't need physical ecstasy, but
Silent, a natural blossom that grows and flows effortlessly.
I need new vibrations to ignite me,
Parts I haven't met yet that want to sprout.
It's time for me to start the ever long left journey of self discovery,
The aware type one.
I do stumble upon myself daily
But that doesn't seem to be enough really.
I want to be like the floaty dresses that drape with existence, hanging there wholesomely.
I'm hungry for some me.
Potion
2
POTION
Potion
Every blissful kiss that leaves my lips
Jumping onto any part of you
Warm parts, that welcome me open arms.
Like lava our kisses melt together and freeze
Solidify into reality, don't take me away please
I'm in a faraway galaxy.
Anyone, let me stay here to admire and hear his breathing of life onto mine
That mixes and tangles
Creating a potion of devotion for each other
What we know of it, at least..
POTION
Potion
Every blissful kiss that leaves my lips
Jumping onto any part of you
Warm parts, that welcome me open arms.
Like lava our kisses melt together and freeze
Solidify into reality, don't take me away please
I'm in a faraway galaxy.
Anyone, let me stay here to admire and hear his breathing of life onto mine
That mixes and tangles
Creating a potion of devotion for each other
What we know of it, at least..
Not today
3
NOT TODAY
Today I will look straight through you
No excuse
It would be rude not telling you the truth.
The sun shining is
Dragging me down,
It puts a frown on my face,
I still handle it with grace but
No matter what I still can't see my worth.
Would you help me?
Actually, no, I don't need anybody
That's why I'm tucked away in a café
Looking like one of those
Busy, indie people,
Directioned people
That look like they know where they're going.
That's just a glimpse of them they're showing,
I know that.
So don't compare yourself
To the parts you can see clearly
And honestly, try sincerely,
Even if you get to a nearly accomplished you
That's closer to the truth that you only previously knew
Or thought you did
Cuz you hid your whole life
Just so you could survive.
Survival isn't an option anymore
I prefer to grow
Aware of where I stand
According to nobody's plan,
Except for that breathing one
The one that holds my hand
When I walk the streets alone,
When I'm talking to my soul
Expecting for an answer that's not only my own.
But I guess it's just me in this big old hole.
NOT TODAY
Today I will look straight through you
No excuse
It would be rude not telling you the truth.
The sun shining is
Dragging me down,
It puts a frown on my face,
I still handle it with grace but
No matter what I still can't see my worth.
Would you help me?
Actually, no, I don't need anybody
That's why I'm tucked away in a café
Looking like one of those
Busy, indie people,
Directioned people
That look like they know where they're going.
That's just a glimpse of them they're showing,
I know that.
So don't compare yourself
To the parts you can see clearly
And honestly, try sincerely,
Even if you get to a nearly accomplished you
That's closer to the truth that you only previously knew
Or thought you did
Cuz you hid your whole life
Just so you could survive.
Survival isn't an option anymore
I prefer to grow
Aware of where I stand
According to nobody's plan,
Except for that breathing one
The one that holds my hand
When I walk the streets alone,
When I'm talking to my soul
Expecting for an answer that's not only my own.
But I guess it's just me in this big old hole.
Bubble of love
4
BUBBLE OF LOVE
I woke up three times last night
Yeah, I was alright
I just couldn’t believe I could hold you that tight
You and me
I mean,
I’m smiling from cheek to cheek
Even in my sleep
Even in my day
I mean,
We see it the same way.
No one else does
We don’t care as long as it’s us
Me and you
You and me
Feeling free in our bubble of glee.
I don’t want to dim the light of this
Cuz so far it’s been blissful, thoughtful, magical, eventful
But what if it’s meant to?
Maybe you’re a lesson for the appreciation of the now
But somehow I kick that thought away
Cuz for now we’re ok
And you’re touching me in that way
Where we don’t have to say anything
As we have everything
Right here
Right now
BUBBLE OF LOVE
I woke up three times last night
Yeah, I was alright
I just couldn’t believe I could hold you that tight
You and me
I mean,
I’m smiling from cheek to cheek
Even in my sleep
Even in my day
I mean,
We see it the same way.
No one else does
We don’t care as long as it’s us
Me and you
You and me
Feeling free in our bubble of glee.
I don’t want to dim the light of this
Cuz so far it’s been blissful, thoughtful, magical, eventful
But what if it’s meant to?
Maybe you’re a lesson for the appreciation of the now
But somehow I kick that thought away
Cuz for now we’re ok
And you’re touching me in that way
Where we don’t have to say anything
As we have everything
Right here
Right now
Caterpillar
5
Caterpillar
It's so hyper-real this day,
Greener with a deeper touch
Dancing, gleaming with a force
That is not forceful,
just meant to
Be here
Made to see clear
To Inhale you my dear
Exhale the fear.
A caterpillar doesn't know it'll become a butterfly
until it dies
That's when it realises
that all its worries and thoughts were compromised
by the thoughts felt inside
as real,
stronger than anything you could feel.
Caterpillar
It's so hyper-real this day,
Greener with a deeper touch
Dancing, gleaming with a force
That is not forceful,
just meant to
Be here
Made to see clear
To Inhale you my dear
Exhale the fear.
A caterpillar doesn't know it'll become a butterfly
until it dies
That's when it realises
that all its worries and thoughts were compromised
by the thoughts felt inside
as real,
stronger than anything you could feel.
Caterpillar
6
BLEEDING LUST
Bathing ourselves with our love,
Pulling each other to the rim of what we know of,
I won't be sea sick of us,
I can't get enough of this bleeding lust.
You've kissed my secrecy
Like a first time mystery
A swirling tongue to shiver electricity
Outwards in and
Inwards out
A blessing for a few
I have no doubt.
But when you accompany
The elevated delicacy
And taste me exquisitely
I start to see my body as a priority.
It's not about giving or taking anymore
It's about sharing,
To elevate what we have
To create and grow from
I'm opening up.
You're super-duper-very welcome inside of me
Enter as you wish,
Enter as you please.
Can you feel the bliss?
It's actually not mine but ours.
Staring down at me
While being inside of me
Gives me powers.
Your breath can't believe it too.
So much synchronicity we've delved into.
My open lips imagine your cum
Filling me up
Making your dick slip
with the force of wanting to be
Immersed by me.
I'll lend you my all, temporarily
But I'll want me back, eventually
Just to stay on course, gracefully.
BLEEDING LUST
Bathing ourselves with our love,
Pulling each other to the rim of what we know of,
I won't be sea sick of us,
I can't get enough of this bleeding lust.
You've kissed my secrecy
Like a first time mystery
A swirling tongue to shiver electricity
Outwards in and
Inwards out
A blessing for a few
I have no doubt.
But when you accompany
The elevated delicacy
And taste me exquisitely
I start to see my body as a priority.
It's not about giving or taking anymore
It's about sharing,
To elevate what we have
To create and grow from
I'm opening up.
You're super-duper-very welcome inside of me
Enter as you wish,
Enter as you please.
Can you feel the bliss?
It's actually not mine but ours.
Staring down at me
While being inside of me
Gives me powers.
Your breath can't believe it too.
So much synchronicity we've delved into.
My open lips imagine your cum
Filling me up
Making your dick slip
with the force of wanting to be
Immersed by me.
I'll lend you my all, temporarily
But I'll want me back, eventually
Just to stay on course, gracefully.
Systems
7
SYSTEMS
“You're against systems" you said
Hitting the nail on the head.
Cutting off years of troubles
Created within,
Found hard by not fitting in.
So how come you understand that part of me
Saying it so smoothly
While brushing you're teeth thoroughly..?
I guess it's easier from your side
Especially when my emotions arise
And don't even try to hide.
Facial expressions are just a correlation of the mind,
No deviation or hiding from this kind of unspoken truths.
I keep wondering what is the use
In feeling useless
When all you're looking for
Is a sense of oneness
That doesn't destroy this.
Moments of momentary happiness that fleet and leave
They say it gets better with time
I guess it's something I'd have to get used to
To shine
No matter where it leads to.
SYSTEMS
“You're against systems" you said
Hitting the nail on the head.
Cutting off years of troubles
Created within,
Found hard by not fitting in.
So how come you understand that part of me
Saying it so smoothly
While brushing you're teeth thoroughly..?
I guess it's easier from your side
Especially when my emotions arise
And don't even try to hide.
Facial expressions are just a correlation of the mind,
No deviation or hiding from this kind of unspoken truths.
I keep wondering what is the use
In feeling useless
When all you're looking for
Is a sense of oneness
That doesn't destroy this.
Moments of momentary happiness that fleet and leave
They say it gets better with time
I guess it's something I'd have to get used to
To shine
No matter where it leads to.
Self har-me
8
SELF HAR-ME
Fall down the skyscrapers,
Burn your face on the stove,
See the cityscape fluctuate by
Like fireflies and fly.
I feel like a stranger to myself and everyone else.
No one will care for your hurt,
No one will remember you trying.
Only the closest ones will remember the colours in your eyes,
It won't come as a surprise when you die.
There is something stopping you though.
That slither of hope
That hugs your heart and soul,
It doesn't want to go,
Not just yet.
I crumble with regret onto the floor instead,
Holding my head in my legs and
Rock, breathe, rock, breathe, rock..
Will I ever be enough..?
SELF HAR-ME
Fall down the skyscrapers,
Burn your face on the stove,
See the cityscape fluctuate by
Like fireflies and fly.
I feel like a stranger to myself and everyone else.
No one will care for your hurt,
No one will remember you trying.
Only the closest ones will remember the colours in your eyes,
It won't come as a surprise when you die.
There is something stopping you though.
That slither of hope
That hugs your heart and soul,
It doesn't want to go,
Not just yet.
I crumble with regret onto the floor instead,
Holding my head in my legs and
Rock, breathe, rock, breathe, rock..
Will I ever be enough..?
Meteorite us
9
METEORITE US
Too real is the feel of this realm
Where our bodies collied like
meteorites in the sky
But we're softer than that.
We have that spark that makes us visible
To the invisible truths of Earth,
But what if even that isn't enough?
I try to take it as I please,
And oh, you do please me,
But my worry of us boils up,
Pops onto the ceiling,
Leaving all of the healing
(done so far)
Nothing more than that.
A teeny tiny star
That seems meaningless from afar,
From way over here.
But if here is there,
And I'm actually everywhere
And everyone is me
Within a constant exchange of living things.
Why am I complaining?
METEORITE US
Too real is the feel of this realm
Where our bodies collied like
meteorites in the sky
But we're softer than that.
We have that spark that makes us visible
To the invisible truths of Earth,
But what if even that isn't enough?
I try to take it as I please,
And oh, you do please me,
But my worry of us boils up,
Pops onto the ceiling,
Leaving all of the healing
(done so far)
Nothing more than that.
A teeny tiny star
That seems meaningless from afar,
From way over here.
But if here is there,
And I'm actually everywhere
And everyone is me
Within a constant exchange of living things.
Why am I complaining?
Disappointed face
10
DISAPPOINTED FACE
I saw that disappointed face
Displaced in my embrace,
A sighing fear for
that I won’t be near
Or close to you
Like you’d want me to.
I can’t help but pretend it’ll be ok
Us being this way,
It doesn’t matter about the consequences
Because I’m seeking a life sentence of love,
That’s all I’m dreaming of.
I follow my vibrating intuition
With an underlying feeling of expectation
Of having to choose
Who I am
And who I want to be
Cuz simply saying ‘free’ isn’t enough.
You’ve dictated my worth in your head
Kissing my temple instead of
Checking if I’m mendable first.
I’m keeping the birth of us inside
Like I’ve got something to hide
Instead of keeping us alive,
Instead of enjoying your warm hugs and kisses,
Treating me like I’m your misses.
You’ll hate me for running away
And never wanting to stay
I just need to create my day by myself
With no one else’s help ,
Cuz you’d jump to the chance of making my running into a dance,
So I’m sorry to disappoint you in advance.
DISAPPOINTED FACE
I saw that disappointed face
Displaced in my embrace,
A sighing fear for
that I won’t be near
Or close to you
Like you’d want me to.
I can’t help but pretend it’ll be ok
Us being this way,
It doesn’t matter about the consequences
Because I’m seeking a life sentence of love,
That’s all I’m dreaming of.
I follow my vibrating intuition
With an underlying feeling of expectation
Of having to choose
Who I am
And who I want to be
Cuz simply saying ‘free’ isn’t enough.
You’ve dictated my worth in your head
Kissing my temple instead of
Checking if I’m mendable first.
I’m keeping the birth of us inside
Like I’ve got something to hide
Instead of keeping us alive,
Instead of enjoying your warm hugs and kisses,
Treating me like I’m your misses.
You’ll hate me for running away
And never wanting to stay
I just need to create my day by myself
With no one else’s help ,
Cuz you’d jump to the chance of making my running into a dance,
So I’m sorry to disappoint you in advance.
There you go
11
THERE YOU GO
You’re still you
I’m still me
You took the notes off
What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?
Acting like no one hurt you
While I’m still here shrivelling inside.
Can’t you see?
Can’t you tell?
It’s not as much as within anymore
But I’m still under that spell.
And you’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Pretend it’s not all gone flat.
Same room, different light
Same chair, different sight
Same smell, different memory
Of not us anymore,
that was clearly never meant to be.
You said you wouldn’t go
But there you go, just like that
This happened before.
Look at me once more
Before we part.
You’d call it the start
Unless, unless
Yeah you guessed
No more merry and blessed,
Just a lump on my chest.
Let’s digest it now,
I think that somehow
It’s time to slowdown
And not look back round
Don’t follow the tricks
or I’ll miss me, you, is
The opportunity of healing
Without any of that
I’d prefer to stay back,
Pretend it happened from the start.
THERE YOU GO
You’re still you
I’m still me
You took the notes off
What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?
Acting like no one hurt you
While I’m still here shrivelling inside.
Can’t you see?
Can’t you tell?
It’s not as much as within anymore
But I’m still under that spell.
And you’d like that, wouldn’t you?
Pretend it’s not all gone flat.
Same room, different light
Same chair, different sight
Same smell, different memory
Of not us anymore,
that was clearly never meant to be.
You said you wouldn’t go
But there you go, just like that
This happened before.
Look at me once more
Before we part.
You’d call it the start
Unless, unless
Yeah you guessed
No more merry and blessed,
Just a lump on my chest.
Let’s digest it now,
I think that somehow
It’s time to slowdown
And not look back round
Don’t follow the tricks
or I’ll miss me, you, is
The opportunity of healing
Without any of that
I’d prefer to stay back,
Pretend it happened from the start.
Wet as rain
12
WET AS RAIN
Loving to the rhythm of the rain,
Dripping wet and reuniting again
In the same sphere of conscious being
That's all about feeling and accepting that into your breathing.
I'm left with eternal moments to reach out for,
So powerful, leaving me wanting more.
I wonder if the search is what it's all about,
While I say I don't ask for much, all I do is doubt.
What reassures me is your touch,
Connected magnets, completed puzzles..
I think this is it,
Now come jump in my puddle.
WET AS RAIN
Loving to the rhythm of the rain,
Dripping wet and reuniting again
In the same sphere of conscious being
That's all about feeling and accepting that into your breathing.
I'm left with eternal moments to reach out for,
So powerful, leaving me wanting more.
I wonder if the search is what it's all about,
While I say I don't ask for much, all I do is doubt.
What reassures me is your touch,
Connected magnets, completed puzzles..
I think this is it,
Now come jump in my puddle.
Brecon getaway
13
BRECON GETAWAY
The sky reflected your colours,
The glistening morning radiated around you
Like the sun's halo.
The dew
Suspended around you,
What a hell of a view.
Warm and cold colours embraced within us,
They took away our worries
And left us with hills
And soft grass to delve into.
We lied there hugging the earth
Without touching each other,
Putting our feet in blessed red water
From springs that sprung across the valley.
We sat on those rocks,
Our heads leaning into ourselves
For peace-
We felt it,
We've walked for miles by each other's side-
Thank you for staying
Thank you for smiling.
Maybe we are blessed and
Friday 13th gave us its all.
We were wonderful.
The night, our touch, the sunrise, our love
You told me to stop cuz
You didn't want to fuck
And I did stop,
Started to tear up
Because we seemed to have enough
Just the two of us.
BRECON GETAWAY
The sky reflected your colours,
The glistening morning radiated around you
Like the sun's halo.
The dew
Suspended around you,
What a hell of a view.
Warm and cold colours embraced within us,
They took away our worries
And left us with hills
And soft grass to delve into.
We lied there hugging the earth
Without touching each other,
Putting our feet in blessed red water
From springs that sprung across the valley.
We sat on those rocks,
Our heads leaning into ourselves
For peace-
We felt it,
We've walked for miles by each other's side-
Thank you for staying
Thank you for smiling.
Maybe we are blessed and
Friday 13th gave us its all.
We were wonderful.
The night, our touch, the sunrise, our love
You told me to stop cuz
You didn't want to fuck
And I did stop,
Started to tear up
Because we seemed to have enough
Just the two of us.
Pursuit
14
PURSUIT
It comes unclear the pursuit,
The meaning of the message to deliver
Not to the people I meet but
To me, as I'd like me to be.
Maybe it is my focus of attention
That sets the intention
To circumnavigate my life span
According to nobody's plan,
Except what I do
For myself, not you.
Today I feel different
From how I felt yesterday:
The colours exist,
Calling for attention
From the being that walk this Earth
Forever so lightly
And subtly
This elegant balance is connected
Through recognition.
That's what it longs for,
Always there in our options
But neglected in action;
Cuz we tend to forget that we
Hurt with people
Live with people
And we love with people.
PURSUIT
It comes unclear the pursuit,
The meaning of the message to deliver
Not to the people I meet but
To me, as I'd like me to be.
Maybe it is my focus of attention
That sets the intention
To circumnavigate my life span
According to nobody's plan,
Except what I do
For myself, not you.
Today I feel different
From how I felt yesterday:
The colours exist,
Calling for attention
From the being that walk this Earth
Forever so lightly
And subtly
This elegant balance is connected
Through recognition.
That's what it longs for,
Always there in our options
But neglected in action;
Cuz we tend to forget that we
Hurt with people
Live with people
And we love with people.
black out poetry
I started the project during quarantine, when boredom allowed me to try something different.
For this mindful exercise I used Harry Potter books, the purpose was to change the narrative by deconstructing an original text.
I know
I know
You need
Profound magic
To keep you
Flying
You need
Profound magic
To keep you
Flying
Through the turns
Through the turns
It starts to grow,
Ascending into
The firework.
It's quite some sight..
And everything changes.
Flash! Bang!
It starts to grow,
Ascending into
The firework.
It's quite some sight..
And everything changes.
Flash! Bang!
Do you mind
Do you mind if I tell you
What I think?
Together feels great..
Soft looks..
Great world we discovered.
You found us.
What I think?
Together feels great..
Soft looks..
Great world we discovered.
You found us.
Look
Look, you can't be here.
You remember about
All the partners
And got jealous
About them..
And it changed a bit.
Boys she met before
Somehow disappeared.
You remember about
All the partners
And got jealous
About them..
And it changed a bit.
Boys she met before
Somehow disappeared.
Allow
Allow your visit to leave.
You need yourself,
Let me help,
Let trust hear you.
I know where we're not wanted.
You need yourself,
Let me help,
Let trust hear you.
I know where we're not wanted.
Without jealousy
Without jealousy, friends never fell in love
That's why this is bigger than the possibility of the smallest moment.
It creates ripples because of what we did.
That's why this is bigger than the possibility of the smallest moment.
It creates ripples because of what we did.
Emerge
Emerge,
Ask for a few bursts.
Anything I work to
Ends somehow.
Another rumble
Down hard
And brushes off
Your floor.
It's quite a surprise,
My dreams don't trust you-
I need the forbidden forest
Ask for a few bursts.
Anything I work to
Ends somehow.
Another rumble
Down hard
And brushes off
Your floor.
It's quite a surprise,
My dreams don't trust you-
I need the forbidden forest
Original
Missing home
Acknowledgments to myself
Support me
The end (you wish)
Performing at Word Asylum at Blue Honey Local, Cardiff (skip to 2.01.24)
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